must relationship base on the R-factor?  

Posted by Nigel J. W. Ong

i got a bit disappointed today. no. not just a bit, i think im kinda disappointed.

i was left out by my bunch of cohort mates on their walk. none of them even texted me to see if i know if they r going out. in fact, i texted them and yet none of them replied. (it always happened to me)

im not furious at them, perhaps its my fault. perhaps because im nobody.

why should i day nobody? i did some thinking about this, and this is my explanation.

i grew up in terengganu, where well there is little people of my kind. it doesnt help when i am in a malay majority neighbourhood. however, i cherish being in such situation, being able to mix and mingle around with the malays as well my my kind of people. life seems normal until i got in to IPBA.

it is there when i found out how distinct i am from my own kind of people, in both lifestyle and ideology.

i seldom eat in bowl, i even struggled on chinese dining ethics. im relaxed and slow in approaching my life, seeing that being "kiasu" means nothing. i suck at maths, i hate those "money is everything" ideology. i dun eat exotic food, not even organs. i dun gamble, and i dun really like mandarin at school.

being chinese is about being those listed above. it is there that i notice i should not call myself a chinese, as i dun think i am anymore. hence, i call myself a malaysian.

being malaysian means being raceless. i love it. for me, race are one stupid idea created by human intelligence. we are all human, same in the eyes of God almighty.

but people around me do not share their ideas with me. they still prefer to stick with their people.hence, i do not belong to the any my 'once i am in ' racial group, nor i feel the sense of being in the b racial group people as well. so there i am, drfting alone in the sea where nobody cares about me.

is this the reason why im not able to forge a deep, trusting friendship, or even relationship? because people just do not see me as "their own kind of people"? hence do not put their trust in me because the society doesnt seem to accept that?

is it by being a malaysian who prefers to live a raceless life, i will not be accepted into any groups? because i do not adhere to their racial lines? must it that a person be friends with the racial groups he/he is in?

i really hope such is not the reason i wasnt texted out. i hope its just about any other things.

i dedicate this expression of my heart to God, may he accepts my confession.
in the name of the father, and the son and the holy spirit, amen.

This entry was posted on Monday, April 14, 2008 at Monday, April 14, 2008 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

10 comments

Since you said you are dedicating this expression to God, I wondered if I should leave a comment. But since the comment is open, haha my finger gatal!

I acknowledge I am 101% Chinese in Malaysia. I emphasize - in Malaysia. I just posted a new post in my blog as well, talking about my race and my country.

Being a Chinese Malaysian, I don't know why I know you. So far you have been my good friend for 7 years, though we have different culture and lifestyle.

As I said, I'm a 101% Chinese. Mandarin is the language that I really proud of. I speak in it all the time but in Singapore? Haha, please use English. =P Gamble? I did, but only during CNY. Exotic food? No, scared of being infected SARS, organs only some. Money is everything? Cool, money is a just tool for exchange from the economics point of view. Neo-classical model says that money is Neutral. Sometimes, money has very low value, we actually value more in currency. =P Math? Haha I'm poor in maths too! It doesn't matter, not all Chinese can do well in maths ok? I'm one of them, but God gifts me another special talent that not everybody has. Ok?Kiasu? Well, it is not very obvious in Malaysia though, try to experience this spirit in Singapore, then you will somehow proud to be a Malaysian Chinese but not Singaporean Chinese.

All the best Jiawei. I still prefer your Chinese name. It's nice and meaningful. 佳is good, 伟is great, even better!

Somehow it is sad to hear that you are neglected. The angmoh's world is so strange to me, I can't help you =P

April 15, 2008 at 12:32 PM
Anonymous  

Hi Nigel. Just want to say that I enjoyed your friendship. Enjoyed all the fun you provided. Still remember your quote: in life, we must try everything once. What I learnt from you: 1. Make the most of life. 2. Dare to try new (of course the positive ones) things.
3. Relax and don't take everything too seriously.

I appreciate your help in social studies during foundation year. All those stuff on politics and economy were really difficult for me to understand. But your explanation made things so much easier.

I enjoy hearing you talk because I gain new knowledge. the things you talk about are usually things I don't know about. I enjoy gaining new insights from you.

i am not sure how to respond to your post. I guess we all go through moments when we feel that we don't fit in anywhere. I go through that too, and i know I wouldn't want simplistic answers. Sometimes, these moments make me do some soul-searching and I guess the best answers are those revealed by God.

My response here is just to tell you, Nigel, that I do consider you my friend and I appreciate your friendship. I appreciate the things you have taught me through your conversations and your approach to life. I'm not saying this just to put some balm on some hurt. I'm saying this because I really mean it.

take care, bro and cheer up :)

p/s: I still haven't tried the PS hokkien mee that you kept promoting... Must make sure I try it when i get back to malaysia.. ;)


-shirley

April 16, 2008 at 4:32 AM

hahahah.. ive nvr "belonged" anywhere for long..

April 16, 2008 at 7:51 AM

nige! what a thing to say! hey, it's ok. we all feel it. trust me. most of the time i feel like i'm in a place i don't belong, but i trust Him who has great plans for me (and all of us) . He must have a reason why we exist at a particular time and place. actually my newest post is a bit about that.. was kinda wondering about it too. i'm glad you're proud to be a malaysian, it'll always be home to me. even as i'm typing, i can't wait to go home. i guess people in their own country are protective, individualistic and prhaps sometimes racist. we do it too sometimes, only we had much more practice because we live in a multicultural society, but generally people are very.. hmm, selfish and not very inclusive.

take care nige. :) God loves you*

April 16, 2008 at 10:16 AM
Anonymous  

hey nigel! sorry was just clicking around...

read somewhere that you like indonesian songs... there's this website... www.kidung.com... really nice worship songs by mostly indonesian bands :)

-shirley's bored sister clicking around- :)

April 16, 2008 at 12:04 PM

Be yourself bro...
There are many Chinese who do not fall into that category...
Find the right friends that lift you up & you'll go far, bro...

All the best overseas!
=D

April 19, 2008 at 6:53 AM
Anonymous  

Find ong kecik's definition of chinese rather amusing. Just wanna double check my chinese-ness.

1)Eat in (from) bowl
- haha. I eat from mugs and pot
covers even.

2)Chinese dining ethics
- that's only coz my mum
emphasizes manners more than
life. :P

3)Not relaxed and slow
- i relax and am lembap most of
the time


4)Being "kiasu"
- at what?

5)Good at maths
- hahah. Just so that you'll
know, a lot of chinese suck at
mathe too.

6)"Money is everything"
- really important, but not
everything.

7) Eat exotic food/ organs
- Guilty as charged.

8) Gamble
- nah.

9)Don mandarin
- look who's talking. You can
read and write in BC at least.
I'm illiterate-level eh.


Luc.

April 19, 2008 at 5:19 PM

hey bro,

Glad to find u here.

2 things i want to comment here.

1st, do you know tat the hokkien mee that u bought for me everytime contain crunchy bites in it which is actually made from pork oil? lols. man, i won't wanna take that again :P

2nd, i like the comment made by Jarod, "Find the right friends that lift you up & you'll go far, bro..." This is very true. and trust me, when you are overseas, you always have a choice to get out of ur comfort zone from your cohort friends, get more experience in life. Make new friends, coz you'll never know who your next good mate will be.

Cheers bro.

April 20, 2008 at 12:16 AM
limau  

hey, tis is coming frm sum1 who can speak, read AND write in Mandarin... @.@?

April 20, 2008 at 1:00 AM

nigel..im really sorry if i want f those people who didnt reply ur msg..
xdak kredut maa~

April 29, 2008 at 9:38 AM

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